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Forgiveness is something that we really need to do. We all know this.
So why is it so hard to do?
In this episode, we explore the reasons why this may be so, and try to find ways that make forgiveness, something that is so essential for our lives, to do.
The following are the show notes used to record this episode. They are here for your reference and convenience.
What is the mind, really?
The mind is all about survival.
We have evolved with this mind that has finely tuned itself into ensuring that we, as a living being, survive for another moment.
Because of that, changing is VERY difficult, and some people find it impossible.
But change is how we grow, right? Change is how we go from one portion of our lives into the next.
We could continue on with the existence that we have, as it stands, but what would be the point of life, then? We would never learn anyything new, never experience anything new, and life would be stagnant and boring.
Because of that boredom, we will find ourselves dissatisfied with things that would have, previously, been perfectly acceptable.
Take a relationship that you are in. Let’s say, for example, you are a man that has a girlfriend. Everything in the relationship is good, but you find yourself getting bored with the way things are. However, you fear changing things, breaking up with the person or whatever.
Life starts to stagnate and you find yourself resenting the person and the things that they do that you previously thought were not just fine, but maybe even cute o funny.
The problem in a situation like that, as with everything, is that the mind is, when it comes down to it, insane.
Why is the mind insane?
Simply because it has evolved to do nothing moire than to make sure that you stay alive.
When we are in a bad relationship or a bad situation, the emotional chemistry running through our brains is no different than the same chemicals running through our brain when we were running on the Serengeti trying to avoid that lion.
It knows no different, and it will do what it can to survive
It knows that, if you were to enact a change in your present circumstance, you would die
It knows this, so it will do all it can to prevent your subconscious, which knows better, from having enough influence on you to make you want to change things around.
So, want to get a new car? NO! If you do, you’ll die!
Want to try to straighten things out in your relationship with your husband? NO! You’re going to die if you do it!
That’s how the mind thinks. It’s what it was designed to do. It will do everything, literally, everything that it can to make sure that whatever your present circumstances are, whatever emotions you feel, stresses you’re under, etc, are not going to change, because, after all, you are alive and it has doing its job. To do ANYTHING different would be to bring about the end of your life. Or so it thinks.
What does this have to do with forgiveness?
The essence of forgiveness is change.
It is what brings about new things, whether for yourself or the other person or party involved. Something will change in the dynamic between you.
So forgiveness is, at its heart, as anti-mind as you can get.
Let me get into some real esoteric truth here.
Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is never about them.
Forgiveness is about YOU. It is for YOU, not for them.
You see, what someone else thinks or does to you is their business. It is not yours. How you react to it IS.
In other words, if I thought that you were a jerk, that’s my business, not yours. If i tell you you are a jerk, that’s on me, not you. That’s my cosmic law price to pay.
BUT, how you react to my calling you and thinking of you as a jerk IS your business. That’s on you, not me.
Forgiveness is like our spiritual steam release valve. It is about releasing the anger, the hate, the hurt, that what the other person did to us made us feel. It is so that we can get away from it, cleanse it from our auras, so to speak, and not have that corrupting force on us any more.
But the mind, being insane and wanting us to not change anything at all OR WE WILL DIE RIGHT NOW, has a hard time dealing with true forgiveness.
Most people, when they think “forgiveness” are doing nothing more than giving it lip-service. They will say, “Yes, I forgive you,” but they really mean, “I will say this so that the situation will ease up, but I am never going to forget this.”
Do you see the difference?
True forgiveness is absolute. You let it all go. Every bbit of it.
That doesn’t mean forgetting it, and letting them stomp on you again, but it does mean letting go of the emotional attachment that you have to that action or act.
And the best way to start doing it is to say Thank You.
Seriously. Thank the person for what they did, because it taught you something. Even if that thing is that you will never let someone else ever do it to you again, it was still a learning experience, and you can be grateful for it.
That’s how you get out of the negative emotions and into something more positive, or at least balanced out.
You don’t even have to thank them out loud. Just do it in the quiet part of yourself and really mean it. If you say it aloud to them, it’s very cathartic, though.
What it all comes down to
As I said, forgiveness is about you not them. It’s never about them.
You have to do what you can to move past the emotional traumas and scars that you carry, so that you an actually NOT be impacted by them at every turn.
If you have been hurt in the past, you KNOW how much it can afect every single relationship you have in the future. But, the reason it has such a foothold on you is because you have never stepped out of the insane mind and given true forgiveness for what happened to you.
You do not have to live subjected to that insane mind! You CAN break free of it and start living your life the way you would really like to live it.
You can be free of those emotional traumas and bonds that you carry to that other person.
I mean, thin about that. Someone that has hurt you now has full control over everything that you do. Do you really WANT that person having that control: They would laugh at the whole situation.
I know this from being someone that was abused. I would not want them knowing that what they did to me impacts my relationships today! They would laugh maniacally at the whole thing. They’d take a sick pride in it.
That’s what the dark masters of the universe don’t want you to know. They take sick pride in the fact that people do not practice gratitude and forgiveness. They cackle at the whole idea that they have helped to shape us into the emotionally addicted, non-thinking and completely under their control animals that we have become.
You don’t have to live that way. There IS another way.